Day 11 of Blaugust.
It is sad news when anyone dies. Regardless of what your beliefs are, even if you feel they are going to a better place, there is still a period of sadness. Robin Williams apparently committed suicide today. Obviously I'm not privy to his personal demons. Each of us have things that make us blue, and certainly what makes me sad may not affect someone else at all.
There have certainly been some low points in my life. I believe that losing a child was it for me. There just are no words to describe that experience. At that time in my life, I had no other friends who had gone through this. I had no sounding board, no confidant to discuss it with comfortably. My wife 1.0 (version 2.0 has many upgrades) at the time was a wreck over it. I was a wreck. It was just one big wreck.
My relationship with my father has always been strained. A lot of it I have to accept the responsibility for. At the time this happened, we were on semi-good terms. When I called to tell him that my baby, his grandchild, had been stillborn his response to me was "Oh well."
Let that sink in a moment.
At a time when I needed someone most, from the person I most sought acceptance from, this was the response I got. To be honest, I really think he simply didn't know what to say and that is all he could muster.
This is deeply personal. It is a huge part of who I am. It is an experience that shaped me into the person I am today. My perspective on life changed a great deal. There is not a day that goes by I do not think of Carly. Not one. It will be 10 years this December.
One of the big reasons I wanted to blog at all was to get out ideas and feelings. I would encourage everyone to just talk to someone if things go to a dark place. If that someone gives you an "Oh well" go to someone else. Or come to me.
Just know that you aren't alone. Promise.